Touching the sky. Clouded mist.

i.c.e k.a.c.a.n.g!

2005-06-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

A mountain of ice,

generously sprayed with a

fusion of sunny colours. A drop of

the sun, the poles, and the coconut by

the sea and yellow corn atop the green.

The first spoon goes 'crunch!' and the frozen

iceberg draws a rush of blood to your tongue.

The wave of sweetness washes you over, your eyes

close and you see a colourful world where we play.

The bolus of ice and everything nice slips down your

throat..ah.. paradise. Every cell craves for more.To soak,

to chill. Like a reflex action, your fingers run over the smooth

plastic, to plunge into the icy depths for red or green or brown.

Aljunied match

2005-06-08T18:37:00.000+08:00

Wasnt scared of losing to jurong today. jl said we could beat them. i didnt think about the consequences, just went out there and played as usual. All the sec 4s went down first. I dont think i jumped well. I didnt want to risk hitting the ball all the way as i didnt know the opponent's standard. so i merely tapped it to esther. we didnt score then. Was pretty tired during the bus ride. The majority werent that good, more of 2 key players. They were confident at dribbling (fooled me..) and wasnt afraid to shoot. They did aim though it didnt get it. We won 62-20+. It was a different kind of match. I dont think i ever plunged myself into the game, i just played as time went. my brain wasnt functioning. Then esther had to dislocate(?) her finger! sighs. Alot of tyco shots went in. It was a funny size 6 ball. I still cant accept that i missed 4 penalties. 0%. i should have changed my state. The game was like a river and i was just drifting along the tide. And kept clashing with shona. for rebounds, intercepts. We scored through many fast breaks, and some individual, some team shots, which were pretty cool. later, rachel, shona, esther went to redhill to support the sec 2s match. Against our opponents! Wish i went. we lost marginally. ironically, sec 1s are supposed to play against sec 2s for the next match. Dont think jl would. coach who anyway? the sec 2s can play if they werent nervous. some experience, huh.

First Paper

2005-05-30T19:48:00.000+08:00

How different it was yesterday. Done with the paper today. It was whoosh. I knew it would be quick. Dont think i did justice to myself yesterday. Played with my cousins from kl, went for durians after that. Played golf, technically yes, though only putting. It was fun, just that the mat couldnt straighten properly. If there arent any unforeseen hiccups, i should be ok. Afterall, am not aiming for an A1. Kept talking to Shona. We both took out our papers and started talking about the match later, about the paper, etc. Guess i was trying to relax. Not too difficult! heh. The tables were aligned like a basketball court! Thought about how we used to spend hours training there when the other courts werent ready. Bittersweet. Like dark chocolate. oh yes, and thanks you all for your sweet encouragements. Really comforting, like a mug of hot chocolate. Just that it helped not by making me think i could do fantastically well, but it helped knowing that even if i flunked it you all would be there. heh.

Ate the breadtalk breads Esther bought. For lunch. Had the spicy floss bun..yum. Went for the Aljunied match. The sun was its brightest ever. Like playing in the Sahara. Or Alice Springs. Funny why the Aussies call a desert 'Alice Springs'. Reverse psychology? The ground seemed to give off heat too. And there wasnt any wind. My stamina is really low now. Cant play 100% for even the first quarter! Must learn how to conserve my energy. But when i 'do', i feel like im not making use of the time i have on court. Missed opportunities? timing eh. Won 45-32. There were only 8 of us! (shona, esther, rachel, sheryl, sarah, sara, joy) I thought it would be a tough fight considering they had all 12. Plus the undesirable weather. But it did test my endurance. Funny how i asked Shona "What if we get trashed?" I didnt rule it out completely. After Aljunied, we would all look like we just came out of the oven after prolonged heating.

The Insider

2005-05-02T15:40:00.000+08:00

"No please..."
"It's ok one. Like that can recover faster."
"No... Mum?"
"Dont worry, you told him no already."
"But he's still going to do it!"

The sinseh gestured towards a bed.

"There's a first time to everything."

Tentatively, i laid. The ceiling was stark white, the air-con was blowing cold drifts.

"Ow.." i saw the first needle just below my knee. Another one?? Ended up to be two. The other at my ankle. Closed my eyes.

All of a sudden i felt a jolt. The current was switched on! My big toe started vibrating real fast. I had no control. Something sharp was searing across, forcing the muscles to twitch at dontknowhowmanyhertz.

dared not look. My other leg shivered, psychological i think. My muscles were clenched and tight. My fingers were icy-cold. Must have been the air-con.

What if there was a short circuit? Or what if the resistor failed and allowed a huge passage for a large current? Was it possible to get electrocuted? Sometimes knowing more things bring new fears rather than quell old fears.

Thought about the bballers. Must be having lunch at Marche now. After training. Ifnot for this, i would have been there.

Mum talked till her throat was dry. I heard her voice which reassured me (hmm.. any relevance to new-born babies recognizing their mum's voice?) though i could not digest what she said.

The vibration gradually ebbed away...
I opened my eyes.

Felt so immobile. Peeked at the two long needles. I cant believe i did it.

"How? Story finished not?"

Time to remove the needles! Not as bad as poking it through at least. Goodness.. it felt so hot! But nice too. Hotly nice. Nicely hot.

That was my first acupuncture treatment.

"Come again on tuesday.. I'll let you do it again."

I doubt so.

On Two Feet!

2005-04-29T20:26:00.000+08:00

Whee.. im on my feet again! heh.. though not progressed to running and jumping yet. Walking is such a joy! You can go wherever you want, explore what ever there is, that's FREEDOM. The natural-est form :) No more wheels! Thank you :)

Running is such a complicated action. Got to kick and twist whatever sort. Jumping is so cool. You get to reach heights you never were. Cant wait to get back..

Cant even do a proper lay-up.. heh. slow motion only.

The first step is always the hardest. The initial letting go and trusting others. Then you just carry on, and all falls neatly into place. The more you try, the easier it gets. Till it becomes natural.

I must recover (on form again) by 16th May. 2 weeks left!
We Will Win the Inter-Class Competition! Like we did last year..

tear -+-

2005-04-23T12:57:00.000+08:00

bad tear.

wondering when can i ever recover. everyone's been so nice asking, carrying, pushing. even those i never really knew.

sc isnt very disabled-friendly i realised. steps everywhere.

feel like a burden to everyone else.

want to stand on my 2 feet and walk. instead of hopping around with my left leg.

to run, jump, Fly...

the sun behind clouds

2005-04-18T20:59:00.000+08:00

Went to the western doctor this evening.. hopped all the way.. real conditioning mans. cant cheat. hahs.

the doctor said i had to take x-ray.. usually for sprains, its still possible to walk.. but i cant. then he saw this purple bruise which he said looked quite deep.. it better not be a fracture.

otherwise i got to miss so many trainings.. not as if i got many left anyway. he said fractures typically take 3 months to recover and 6 weeks for sprains. if its indeed a fracture (pray not), i wont be able to train anymore! :'( if its 6 weeks then train for a little while before stopping. either way sounds bad.

how i wish i can wake up on saturday morning again. its no turning back.

the x-ray is tomorrow. please let it be only a sprain.

missed today's training.. it must have been fun. will miss many more to come. wells, at least i can do some ball-handling.. heh. cant stand missing trainings.. and i cant go on saturdays anymore!

miss bball.. miss everyone. its in my blood. (:

Quiescent? not likely.

2005-04-17T13:39:00.000+08:00

What luck! To sprain one's ankle just after 1 minute of playing. Which was what happened yesterday during the match against CJC. How could I have been so careless? should have warmed up first.. now cannot train anymore.. sigh!

The three stories seem like S K Y S C R A P E R S! When i used to sprint my way up, now all i can do is to crawl up, and slide down. It's great for conditioning (: It helps that my room is on the third floor.. the staicases are squeaky clean already! Good for mum.

Lucky NAPFA is over :)

Went to the sinseh this morning, not knowing what i was in for. It was a long wait in the archaic corridor, with its tangy smell. Queue no. 18.. what a coincidence! Heh. Shelves of long-outdated magazines laid strewn, occasionally flapping along with the whirring fan above. The receptionist was buttering some brownish paste onto white cloths.. wonder what was that? It was a drony morning amidst the chugging of old buses, whizzing of shiny motorcycles and the buzzing of meaningless chatter. The only tell-tale sign that this was not a scene in the 1970s was the flashing red buzzer. Tried to read a father's biography of a three-year-old fruitlessly. The monotonous silence echoed louder than ever.

16...17...18!

Following the others, i put my ankle under the infra-red rays. Golly, it was hot! Wonder how fried skin tastes like. My ankle glowed an eerie red. Posters of human bodies were spotted with mutitudinous dots adorned the plastered walls. Across the other room, a skeleton was standing by itself! Wonder if its taller than me.. haha. The friendly lady beside asked what happened out of concern as i hobbled in. Found out that she had fallen from a moving escalator for about eight steps! It sounded much worse than my ankle sprain. It looked a thousand times worse. Fractured elbow, knee-joint problem, blue-blacks and scraps the size of my palm on her thigh. Poor thing.. she's not that young either. Our human body is so fragile. That is not our choice, but the strength of our spirit lies within our control. She did not blame anyone, nor the escalator. She embodied virtues of seeing the ray in the tunnel, the warm radiation of a kind smile and an independent spirit.

After my skin looked like chaota aka burnt like charcoal, the elderly sinseh gestured me into another 'room' with walls of sliding curtains. The bespectacled smiling small giant poured icy-cold liquid on my ankle... then came the excruciating pain. Like making prata, he kneaded my poor ankle furiously! Hot tears sprang. He gritted his teeth and said "Think of basketball". Mum was at the door, laughing at me. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry. Felt so much like jerking my leg away, but his grip was too firm. I couldnt even try of thinking of bball, it felt as if razor-sharp needles poked into every pore. I could barely see or hear. All I felt was the stabbing. It seemed like an eternity. The sinseh saw that i was pouring so badly that he stopped. After one minute. Probably less. The stabbing gradually faded into ant bites. Then, another sinseh came with cloth to wrap up my ankle. Everytime she twisted it into a precarious position, a stab ensued. -cringe-
Other patients watched my taps open like a fountain. I felt too much pain to even feel embarrassed! A motherly old lady held the door open for us. And i hopped out supporting on mum. If only she was in bball.. conditioning.

But hey, the status quo changed altogether. Sis is my official, erm.. nurse cum helper. (: Not abusing it of course. But nothing beats doing things with your own hands, or rather legs. The need to plan every mini-step is ever more important. It's easy getting around on the third floor.. have my own 'whelchair' --- my chair with rollers! Simple chores are difficult. Now i have to try to get my contacts in with a single try, otherwise my left leg will numb up! Feel like a Flamingo. Everything gotta be done single-leggedly!

Wonder how to go around school tomorrow.. probably on a wheelchair.

Wheelchair-basketball anyone? (:

white precipitate in a crystal ball.

2005-04-16T17:52:00.000+08:00

Why is everything that used to be, not?
What is happening?
Or was i blind in the past?

questions..questions..
where's my answer?

It all appears ok. But there's a gnawing feeling that there's something out there, in here that's not right.

The flashing euphoria of a smile plunges once your back is turned.

sometimes so close that i can feel your heartbeat, yet so far that all i see is the shadow you have cast upon me.

To revert to revelry is also to stay the way the status quo is.

Is it an image? or do i see a crack in the crystal ball?
save i have been wearing rose-tinted glasses.

Bien Dans Sa Peau

2005-04-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

Bien dans sa peau
To love oneself.

The most natural things that we do doth oft become the hardest things to do.

The Enigma.

Spinning yarns with but a needle
Squeezing juice from the cactus leaves
blood.
That, we are, humans?

Sugar-coated doughnuts in
Children's mouths, it
m e l t s
Hydrogenated fats masked in oh,
Sweet Glory

The Sun eclipses our fragile orb,
But hesitate.
(and you'll hear, your heart pumping from within)

Alas the day,
'To call a spade a spade'.

dont bother trying to understand. if you dont. its my enigma.

Sportsday: Snapshots

2005-04-01T18:53:00.000+08:00

Today was the last Sports Day I will ever have in SC. After 7 of it.

Snapsh()ts

It started out at 7--oops. sorry sis. Walked to the toa payoh mrt to meet Hannah (toot.. you didnt know how to go!) yupps, so we walked all the way back. Went to grandparent's house to get the black bball shirt--kong kept talkiing. Reached there. Crowds of people, but we managed to spot our class pretty easily! Supersheroes! heh. The HUGE track looked so daunting. Saw people warming up.. argh. didnt feel like to. wanted to stay with my class.. though some were going bonkers clanging shakers (drove Shona away..). i wasnt that scared last night. A night away, the race seemed far away. But this morning, it sprang suddenly out of a corner it was lurking. From a crevice in my memory to a life-sized enemy.

The only enemy is myself. finally started warming up with Grace (think i got you warmed up too early! ;) 100m was a breeze (pun unintended). Was so nervous walking to my lane! J~e~l~l~y legs liao. My competitors looked pretty grim. seriously, i was quite too. i momentarily forgot how to position myself even! Elica, thank you for saying that i had a high chance of getting 2nd. You brought back my confidence :) Though i probably let you down by getting 3rd, i was really happy when you said that! Such a coincidence! Yingxin was also at lane 6 (yayy.. go bballers!) She looked quite nervous.. gave her the 'you can do it!' sign. speak for myself.. ha. Guess what? Both of us got 3rd! Better than nothing :) They trained, and deserved it. It was great seeing a blob of blue (haha :P) cheering in unison. Go 4SE! (Though we didnt get class champs, we gave it our ALL and thats what matters. We got 2nd.. :)

Then came the 4 x100m race. Foongming was the first runner, followed by me, then Phoebe, then Grace. Considering that we only trained on Wed morning, and Thurs recess, we did well. Very well infact. Getting 3rd is by no means easy. I was so nervous at the start that i forgot to bring the marking! Ahh.. used estimation. Was worried that i couldnt receive the baton. Guess i sweated the small stuff! Started hugging and all.. even Mrs Neoh! What a bear-hug :) Sorry i was so sticky and sweaty..

The milo van ponned! It didnt come today.. was so hungry! Didnt dare to eat chips, nor drink too much water.

Took lame shots. Rachel and Kelly ar.. who's that ghost-head there? And that hand? Beside the supersheroes heh. Some tourist attraction we are eh?

Finally! Esther and I are no longer competing against each other! As a BASKETBALL TEAM! Yayy.. the sec4s came, the juniors too. Was so impromptu. haha. This ended up to be the final arrangement: Yingxin-Juvia-Sara(is it?)-Me-Clarissa-(sorry, i dont know her name..)-Esther-Natascha. That Clarissa! She so funny, scared me la. Was sprinting, got ready to sprint 50m (though Esther did ask me to sprint a longer dist :p heh.) Saw Clarissa halfway through, then she started running! Gosh. I was so afraid she was just going to run all the way haha. There was like 20m more for me to cover! Think i ran too far. If there was a yellow box, i would probably have ran past it. Apparently, she heard someone shout 'run!' and she ran. Haha :) I got a shock. Smooth passing though! Yayy.. we got 2nd! It wasnt the best, but we tried our best and put in all our might, even the supporters! Netball was 1st. Stella was so fast! Whoosh. Like that.

Prize-giving.. wearing 2 shirts is not a good idea. Wearing a black shirt underneath is a worse idea. But it felt good! Coz we are representing our class :) Grace was so funny haha. She stood on '2nd' place on the rostrum.. we signalled to her and she practically leaped over! ya, we all know you have long legs (: Watched some classes performing class cheers (4gy, 4sy..) They were good. Like cheerleaders. Pom-poms, moves, in its entirety.

Took more lame photos with the trophies. Who was the one who asked us to move closer? That we pressed each other's, well front. Sorry phoebe!

Went to Marche at Heeren as a class. Was superbly hungry, but had a gnawing stomach. Weird la. Had this fried potato with mayonaise and cut onions. It had a cool name haha. And carrot juice. Phoebe was so entertaining! We started talking about KL Trip. Really, really missed it. Got to know you better :) Whee.. :D

Thank you Minqi! That balloon was for me, right? :P Red somemore.. haha.

Took lame photos AGAIN. Sam's fault. Kelly's fault. Pointed at the alien cow hanging above our table.. supersheroes sign. Got to know Michelle, Grace, Grace 2, Foongming, Eunice, Tisha, Lyn, Minqi, betta! :D

We are WINNERS.

Together for the last time.

2005-03-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

The old adage "Time flies" holds ever so true. In sec1, everything was a blur. Remember disliking trainings, fouling too much.. sec 2 had more laughter, yet more tears. sec 3 brought that warm feeling of familyness, togetherness in solving our problems. sec 4.. ah. This is not the time. The time has not come yet for me to say such stuff. The years seem to whiz by, but memories blinker as brightly. Some things can never be forgotten. The bonds in SC will live on even after leaving. I am certain of that. The bond stays firm because we share the same memories, weal or woe.

There's so many things to talk about after KL Trip.

I know that we lost to Manjusri. But I have not accepted it yet. It will be many more months before I ever do. The fact that we tied at first, knowing full well that we could have won is a double-edged sword laced with poison. It felt like sucking lemons. The sourness in your mouth burns your tongue and causes your stomach to get fired up.. your eyes just cant help pouring. My insides just defied gravity. My blood left my fingers, heart, and brain. The word 'Manjusri' is the tap that brings salty tears for all of us. The indignity of it all brings utmost pain. The foundation of the castle in the air was laid. A solid one. But an earthquake shook it all unexpectedly so.

JL, didnt you say we wouldnt lose? Didnt everyone in our school expect us to win? Especially you, my teammates? Didnt you assure me that we will win? But why.. Why? What is it? What happened?

Why did our dream have to be burst with a jolt? A rude awakening.

During lessons, during tests, in the bus or car, being alone, training, looking at my jersey, lying on my bed, stepping into school, seeing my juniors, meeting my seniors, doing homework... thoughts would run through my head. Fragments of the dream we once shared. How we tried to grab it, but it slipped like water through our fingers.

It is not the pride lost in losing to Manjusri. Infact, we played rather well, lest for the mistakes. It is the lost of a common goal, a united path. Things are changing, too drastically. I dont want it all to change. We had the pillars of support-- JL, juniors, and mrs Bowness. but we didnt rise up to the last second. It is over. We were riding on the rainbow, hoping for a pot of gold at the end. But we fell into the tunnel. We will walk this dark path together, tears will be shed, but we will walk it holding hands. For the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. Which we will carry forever. The friendships we made over the years, knowing you, you and you. That is what will sustain us, and nobody can break it except ourselves.

The last time we will get to wear this jersey together.. on wednesday. To play together, on the same court. It will be the best ever. We will not lose, but triumph over all odds. We will stand tall, on each others' shoulders.

When time passes, things change. The path now is paved for our juniors. Let them scale greater heights, to reach the sky we dreamed of. Till then, we shall be there. For them, and ourselves.

The SC spirit is not only alive on court. It lives in everyone of us, it coarses the same veins as our blood. For this, I say, MANY PEOPLE, ONE SPIRIT.

The Long March

2005-03-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

Its never going to be the same again. For better or worse.

The pang is especially bad. I love SC. I love SC Bball. Dont want to leave you all.

Tomorrow's match is so important.

It just seems so near this evening.

We have trained side by side for almost four years. Not training will leave this empty hole in me. Not used to having saturdays free anymore..

why am i saying all this? just makes tears fall. so many things at the wrong time. Dont want to go to school tomorrow. Till 3 o'clock. By 4, our fate is sealed.

argh. This shouldnt be.

Shona? I feel much sadder now.. know its wrong..

My mind wonders in the airs of oblivion. Slipping in and out but never through the last exit. Glassed eyes. My heart falling through a bottomless pit. Anticipating, but never knowing. Looking at stuffed toys, i see the helplessness. The stony silence we share.

Why does it feel so different? It's frustrating not knowing what's wrong.

Our labour together.

How will it go?

What I would do to turn back time..

Regret is a painful feeling. It sucks the life out, leaving a wandering shell. Not knowing what to do, where to head.

We have one last chance.

I'd better not regret it.

Know why I joined bball? Coz it was a team game, I thought i could rely on my teammates. But I depend too much.

Teamwork is not just assisting your friends and expecting others to help you, it is also taking the initiative to share the responsibility. One cannot carry the weight of the other 11 players. Everyone has to carry some, that is teamwork.

KL, the sun the rain.

2005-03-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

KL Trip 2005

Whoosh. Thats how it all felt. So many things, so little time. Bittersweet, like dark chocolate. Even after it melts in your mouth, the aftertaste still lingers.. a memento that brings flooding emotions.

Sweet chocs:

-the looonnng bus ride (and that doll..)

-JL sharing stuff with us

-playing baabaa and 'toing!' with sec 3s then everyone else...

-having buffet for breakfast with sec 4s

-sleeping with Joan (the daddy?) and Sheryl (the baby??)

-stoning around the pyramid mall

-eating A&W and taking their Bear Masks

-playing cards (taiti, bridge!, TAN, blackjack, Heart Attack!! aka Fart Attack..) with Kelly, Rachel, Shona, Joan, Sheryl, Nikki, Yvonne, DeniseL, Vicki

-adrenaline rush in Sunway Lagoon (the Roller coaster and Viking! AAhh..)

-chickening out with Hannah and Kelly -- The Cadbury

-Nikki crying after sitting Cadbury

-everyone saying 'damnit' all cos of JL (except Esther and I)

-slippery cement basketball floor

-skidding and sliding

-that small little basketball we had to use

-drinking sprite ice, everyone eating more than 2 ice-creams

-that funnily catchy music from the ice-cream man

-hanging on the playground

-standing on the see-saw

-the sauna in the bus (Christmas songs..)

-Talk with sec 2s

-Listening to sec 3s talk to sec 2s

-sec 2s crying when singing 'If we hold on together'

-sec 3s impromptu love affair (haha..)

-sec 4s funny comedy (Extremely Impromptu)

-watching 'I Do I Do' in the bus, thanks to Poly

-sleeping during 'Million Dollar Baby'

-writing thank-you cards with Esther (we didnt know what to write, did we?)

-Bye KL, Hello SC

Always Flying, Always Diving, Always A Team

2005-02-26T18:04:00.000+08:00

The semi-finals against RGS on friday was heart-breaking. No deny that we played well. Very well infact. But we faltered at the last few minutes. The most crucial part.

Was pretty nervous in school that day. Everytime we saw a basketballer, we would reassure ourselves that we would beat rgs. Punching fists, clapping hands, grins.. eating rachel's knocked-black bananas. Even non-basketballers told us we would win, and assured us of their full support all the way. It all helped.

During the motivational prep talk, we visualised winning. The ball falling neatly into the net, catching rebounds, boxing-out, cutting in neatly... all together. Nobody could say we were not nervous. I questioned myself repeatedly throughout the day. But I have realised the value of teamwork: it carries you further, and pushes you past your 'limits'. An individual's growth would always grow arithmetically, whereas a team's growth will expand exponentially.

No matter what happens, we would fight for every ball like our last. Everyone of the 12 believed in that. We were prepared.

The first three quarters were a great success. Rolled on the floor, jumped for every ball, supported each other, cheered each other on. Third quarter ended with 22-33, SC leading. I felt so sure we would win.

Then, I got fouled out. Stupid mistakes. Esther got fouled out. Valerie got fouled out. Shona got fouled out. Natascha nearly got fouled out with 4 fouls. By the bench, we screamed ourselves hoarse, never daring to look up when rgs took a shot. But I will never forget the moment when I saw the 3-pointer fall neatly into the hoop at the last minute. We were leading right up to the last 2 minutes. The row of us 7 players were clutching each other's hands, never letting go right up until the final whistle blew.

Adnittedly, the 5 playing then had never played with each other before. Elica, Natascha, Nikki, Sheryl and Wei Min. Could tell that they were scared. Whether we won that match hinged on their performance. I guess we were all too nervous, confidence level dipped. The rgs players seized this opportunity to catch up and then led.

Final Score: 39-35

We lost the game. Reality struck. Held our tears back. But when JL came to us, we just poured. I felt like my dream was shattered and had fallen on the hard ground with nothing for support. Such an impact knocked my morale down. Felt so bad for getting fouled out. Why? We held our dream for one celestial moment, then it vanished into thin air. No amount of catching could bring it back. I just feel like crying now. We had it going, but fell over just as we were about to cross the finishing line. Trained so hard together.. but we still lost. I dont like that word.

Everyone's face looked crestfallen as we just sat on the bench. Eyes red, heads bent low, covered faces, limp bodies.. all of us were so sad. It felt like we had lost something in us, it was rightfully ours.

Held onto each other as our eyes poured. No words said, but all of us felt the same way.

My dream was to be Zone Champs.. But we let it slip away at the last moment. The chance is lost forever. History is set in stone. we believed, we achieved, but we lost... am just so sad.

We are better. Our fighting spirit is strong. The desire burns greater than ever.

We are a team and always will be. Our spirit was injured, but with words of encouragement, it will heal. In time to come, it will grow stronger. I believe firmly in all of us.

We displayed traits of our Bball motto:

Always Flying, Always Diving, Always A Team

We flew for the ball, dived for the ball, played as a team. We can do it again. We will. We will not let ourselves nor each other down, for JL (who yelled at us but was with us throughout), Mrs Bowness (who said "my heart cant take it anymore" during this match), our friends, our school.

We will live our dream again.

Learning, Living and Loving it all.

2005-02-19T18:25:00.000+08:00

Today is such an Inspiring day.
Was reading "Quotable, Michael Jordan" a tribute to the legendary star basketball player MJ. Wisdom beyond age. Age is no measure of maturity indeed. Maturity comes with experience, learning, and self-awareness, not how old we grow.

It's a small, blue book of quotes from The Star himself and of Others of him. Significant Others. Got it from JL(coach in Mandarin). Thanks. One of the books I can relate to. Had those tingles of excitement, a new torch lighted in me.

Positive thinking works wonders. Everyone experienced it before, the only variable factor is the degree in which experienced. Why did MJ succeed where others didnt? It lay in his SUPREME Confidence and HUNGER to win, only being the Best could satisfy him. It takes courage to aim that high. I myself am a victim of of failing to aim high enough for fear I fail. Ironic eh? I wanted to win without working hard. Often I could do it, but that was previously. Realised hard work does count. Talent just shortens the hours needed. Everyone likes winning, but the crux lies in WHO WANTS TO WIN MORE?

MJ wanted to win. Very badly. However, that standard he set for himself did not put any pressure on him. His mega confidence led to triumph even in crucial times. Time does not daunt him, neither does his opponents. (You can say coz he is afterall MJ. But remember he was just michael once). That's what they mean by "One's greatest enemy is oneself" isnt it? Michael Jordan has transcended himself.

I guess 'himself' means the typical human trappings isnt it? Self-induced fear of failing and self-induced pressure leading to low confidence. In the end, we can only succumb to ourselves.

For an idea how confident MJ is..
His opposing team had just taken a lead in the 4th quarter by a spectacular shot. MJ ran down the court and grinned at his team by the bench. He faked baseline, amid opponents, he shot. The ball went in. MJ ran back and gave the 'thumbs up'. The Chicago Bulls had won.

It just gives you goosebumps doesnt it? So cool.. He knew that he could do it even before he had done it. Well, not exactly. He HAD DONE it before, so he knew he could do it AGAIN.

"The ability to perform in the clutch comes from having the confidence to know that you can. Where does that confidence come from? From having done it in the past." -MJ

The confidence led him to think positively.

"I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot . . . when you think about the consequences you always think of the negative result."

How true.
During training today, JL wanted us to shoot in 8/10 penalties. The first time i tried, it was 7/10. the second 2/10, the third 2/10. When i started missing, i didnt care whether the ball went in coz it wouldnt matter anyway. If it went in, good. If it didnt, well i didnt try my best. Then at the fourth time, JL told me to aim first, and slowly shoot it in. I wanted to show her that i could do it so i aimed carefully. I looked at the hoop directly and said to myself that I was going to get the ball in. I blocked out the surroundings, all that was left was the hoop and me. When i missed 2, something sparked me to say that i had to get all the rest in. That would mean consecutive shots of 7 balls. I stopped myself from thinking about it. It was too pressurizing. I took on one shot at a time. Grasping the ball tightly, I would concentrately intently at the hoop. Did it. The last shot was the most exciting. It was the last. I had to get it in otherwise I would be back at square one. When the ball dropped neatly in, the sense of achievement was pretty good. At least it gave me the confidence that I could do it. But what counts at the end of the day would be during a crucial match. Now, I know.

"Confidence allows you to progress in something you're attempting to accomplish, whether it's playing basketball or baseball, or whether it's trying to succeed in business." -MJ

If you ask me, the 5Cs that serve us most are

consistency, to perform whenever wherever

courage, to take the first step

confidence, to know you can do it

commitment, the knowledge that you have done it before

communication. to play as a team

Nothing can beat that.

To all my teammates:

I believe we already have the commitment and nearing towards communication. What's left is what only we ourselves can change, our consistency, building the courage, and having the confidence.

P.S. I got contacts! so you guys dont have to worry about knocking my specs down anymore :)

One Last Look

2005-02-13T15:25:00.000+08:00

to: Xuanxuan and Yonglin

Know you guys cant read this, much less use the computer, maybe when you are older i'll show this to you :)
A 5-hour-long journey down from KL to celebrate this New Year with us. Just felt it wasnt a proper send-off. Thank you for coming. Will be missing you guys till the next time we meet again to play. Wonder when will that be. But all I know is that i'll be quite a while. My only hope is that when the Basketballers go to KL (yayy!) for our trip, i can get to see you tots again :)

Took one last look at you with both palms and noses plastered on the car window. Till the car drove off.

Was feeling hurt and anger (with Dad over the newspaper), then i heard your voices screaming my name to tell me that you were here. I felt a wave of fresh air over the suffocation in me. It was a clear ringing cheerful voice, unhampered by restrictions of the adult world. Children are beautiful. I knew that you came to bid sis and i farewell, so i made a decision to not let my emotion control me, to spoil the precious time left together. Im sure glad i did.

Played catching bubbles with yonglin's ultraman bubble blower at the playground behind my house. It's a nice little place isnt it? Didnt bother much about sand in our shoes did we? Nor getting soapy on our faces and hands. All in the name of fun. Pure fun, where cares of the world are abandoned freely. Loved that moment of childhood delight. There were no adults there to tell you to not run, or to climb carefully. And yonglin calling himself a monkey! heh.. an honest, uninhibited one! It's a children's jungle. Thanks for inviting me.

Just thinking about the time we had just now brings back the warm and fuzzy feeling again. When your toes feel warm, and your fingers tingle.

Children strike into your heart, your soul. Everyone was a child once, all of us can identify with them. Its so sad how society, the way the world works, moulds us into teens then adults, forgetting what its like being a child. Growing up is great. Becoming more matured, taking more responsibility, learning more things, getting to know more people, being independent and thinking independently, self-awareness and such. If only we can recapture those timeless moments when we let loose, can then we bask in the rays of childhood. Maybe that's what they mean by being "Young at Heart".

In the world of childhood where everything is black or white,

yellow red green blue pink orange abound.

It all swarms into a cloudy grey,

patches of red

moments of blue

eyes of green

hues of pink

abound.

Let me take another look at you.

Truly.

February 12th.

2005-02-12T15:27:00.000+08:00

February 12th

"IN BUSINESS, the market is changing so rapidly that many products and services that successfully met consumer tastes and needs a few years ago are obsolete today. Proactive powerful leadership must constantly monitor environmental change, particularly customer buying habits and motives, and provide the force necessary to organize resources in the right direction."

Stephen R. Covey

Author of The Seven Habits of Highly-Effective People.

Read diversely. How important it is.

Life is too short to just live in your world, for you never know when the rocks in your pockets might turn into gold nuggets. Who said copycats were stupid? I beg to differ. Copycats are Smart Cats. Those who have reached high up in the ladder more often that not took the right steps. Follow their footsteps. Why go to the school of hard knocks? oops..im going out of point again. The lemming instinct is so predictable, yet so hard to guard against. sigh.

Not in the right frame of mind. Till then.

Yellow bird by the windowsill..

2005-02-10T15:54:00.000+08:00

There's this bird by my windowsill every morning every night. Cooing, waiting, watching, listening.

How I feel like you, little bird.

The window opens, but you carelessly let it slip by. The curtain draws, but you wait on the windowsill.

just felt rather sad all of a sudden. think i need to perk myself up.. today's the first day of the new year afterall.

Mum's cooking up a storm in the kitchen. Heh. Smells greAt. MY sis's putting her fingers into every dish.. Kongkong, Mama, Second Shushu, Aunt Lilian, Zixuan, Yonglin and Third Shu Shu (and his girlfriend!), will be coming :) It'll be fun. Those two rascals are the limit really. But i love them! Their world is filled with fun, fun, and more fun. Tirelessly seeking fun. THere's always something to do, something to play.
But i guess 7 is the age when children are first given the glimpse of the adult world. They turn a little cynical. So young.. but what to do? Is it our society? The girl is in primary one. In a chinese school in malaysia. they are Singaporeans, but live in Malaysia. The teachers carry canes around there.. maths and science are taught in chinese! How am i going to study there. heh. Must be scary if you are a little kid standing at 1.2 metres. Like a bogeyman.

The other young'un just loves to twirl and spin. Then falling flat on the floor on his face. It brings clear, ringing laughter :) he's turning 5 this year come December. gosh.. and he kisses too. haha. Warm, wet, sploochy kisses. Then a toothy grin! So adorable :)

The colourful fishes, rocking swing, pretty flowers, yummy food is all ready for you kids.

The yellow bird by the windowsill flies high above your laughter.

Another turn round the Sun.

2005-02-08T16:47:00.000+08:00

Today's the last of the Chinese calender of 2004. The Earth is reaching the same spot as it was at the end of 2003. Tomorrow would be 2005.

Does that simply signify a new beginning? We are going to make another turn round the sun... make this a better one.

Amid gaudy new year decorations and sumptous feasts, it is so easy to be misguided. One can just put down serious thinking for quick joy. Well, chinese new year comes only once a year afterall, so we should enjoy and bask in the array of goodies. But at the end of day, does it matter if we soaked in all the celebrations, wore new clothes, received stacks of red packets, or tried every platter?

How superficial is the human eye that we are blinded by visual feasts. Well, not all though. For as long as we keep our values true, our perspectives right, our goals in sight, we will live a fulfilling year. No matter that our desires pursue us like bloodthirsty hounds, no matter that little voice speaking in a crescendo whenever denied, no matter.

It takes a Big man to face it all.

Will we have the courage to face it when the time comes? Look within, for that's where the answer lies. To pull of the petals that we show the world, revealing our bud. Where we came from, who we are, what we are. Shed the beautiful petals slowly, can then we be ourselves in the purest form. Love the bud, not the petals. Thank the stalks for supporting you, the leaves for nourishing you, the roots from where you came.
Look to the Sun.

Truly.

Sensual.

2005-02-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

So many things HAPPENED today, so little time to tell.

Listened to Mrs Magdalene Wong's beautiful composition of Greensleeves, Pachabel's Canon, Romance D'Amour on the HARPISCHORD. So melodious like water flowing, a silk cloth intricately arranged. Pretty huge harp, taller than me :) I was captivated throughout.. the drilling (reno works) just faded as her music grew and blossomed. Sensual and Soulful.

Training was just INSPIRING! I never thought we could get through it, but did it we did. All of us. Together. Sprinting when my throat was hoarse, lips dry from the dust (reno again!), cramped up, hair flying all over the place (dont laugh!), but we still passed the ball with utmost strength and precision (almost always anyway), caught it deftly, and lifted the ball through the Golden Hoop (red actually :). Then came match against rjc. Lagging in first quarter but we caught up and surpassed them. Won by 4 points :) Everything from previous trainings just fell into place. We ran, we passed, we caught, we shot, we gaurded, we intercepted, we communicated, we DID IT. No longer the quiet game. This time it was loud and forceful. The ball was flowing, our muscles pulled us along. Cheers from the juniors just kept me going. Thank you all. You all just inspired me. Unearthing the meaning of "I BELIEVE. I ACHIEVE".

SC BBALL just rocks my world!

swimming in politics

2005-02-02T22:49:00.000+08:00

Just appeared in the newspaper today in sports section (straits times), for an interview. Nothing much really. It's so factual. Since my school's name is at stake, I sure hope i didnt blemish it. It's funny how journalists can piece your words in a jigsaw puzzle in a way that supports what THEY WANT to say. Though the article revolved around a boy/girl's life changes towards the newly-implemented 5-Day Work Week, it just implicitly wanted to say one thing-- That the new plan is working greatly. Everyone benefits from it.-- You know how different words can denote the same thing but connote meanings worlds apart?
Singapore's newspaper is heavily guarded by the government. I wonder whether its the journalists who are trained that way or the editors who censor anything derogatory.Perhaps it's a bit of both. What does this just say? Remember that quote "...Singapore...five million people...one opinion." No surprise there. True, we have the forum page where people can write in. Or even the Insight pages. But do you see the government being criticised by a strong bold opinion? Or even radical?
Having lived my life under the PAP government, I had always lead a sheltered and stable life. I was proud of my country's achievements, those heroic leaders who had a vision, and how Singapore evolved from an insignificant fishing village into a bustling cosmopolitan country. The media since then was widely-used for rallies. Today, the media offers another role- to stablize the country. Almost every person is in contact with the media in some form or another on a daily basis. Thus one would believe in it. All the more if it was since young. Therefore it has already become a status quo. In schools, pupils are taught to exercise objectivity. Of course, that is important as it lets you see both sides of the coin. However, it shows only a 2-dimensional view aka only 2 sides of the issue. It stifles creativity when logic is applied. We strive to be so politically correct that we have become emotionally detached.
I cant help but to wonder. How are journalists trained? Where is the benchmark of political correctness? Is the media then the government's mouth? What happens when you flaw the ruling party?
The government has encouraged its citizens to speak up when they feel wronged. Or just whenever they need to. But how many of us are so politically apathetic that we just take our current government for granted? If I told you that the PAP would collapse in the next decade would you believe me? Of course not. And I dont believe it either. However, what if we talked about a century? Second thoughts? Singapore's fundamental strength lies not in its complex technology, beautiful infrastructures, or a strong government. Its root is in its People. All of us living in Housing Board flats, or private property. Scrubbing the floors or admiring the scenery at the top of the ladder. It's the collective effort of the people. The strong and stable government is a major plus factor, but the people is the root in which a hardy tree can grow and thus bear fruit.
I dont want to make a major issue out if this interview, perhaps it was the time that had the larget impact. Imagine being interviewed at 10 plus. Even movie stars dont get that treatment.
Recently, one of the journalists pointed out that everyone should just stop blaming the journalists for they are only the messengers. (It was regarding the Tsunami). About how they splash gruesome pictures all over everyday. Seriously, I felt it was a little overboard at the media's frenzy to capture every small act by the government or the people in a bid to blow it up into how generous Singapore is as a small nation. We might be small, but we've got big hearts. Well then, wouldnt that make us have an inflated ego too? How about other nations like America, and Australians and Japanese who brought in so many more troops and contributed so much more money. Why werent it glorified in our papers too? This inactivity justs speaks volumes.
Anyway, I am going to keep the article. For whatever, whenever. I have a feeling I would need it soon.
Truly.

It's been another day...

2005-01-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

I just feel that my blogs are pretty different. In a weird sense. I dont like to talk about daily affairs on my blog. It feels so useless. It's been a day. Unless it's been a different day. In which I had revelations. Then I enter blogs. Why do people enjoy posting their daily happenings? It seems pretty boring. And a big waste of time. For memories? Yeah, but we can do better.
Anything that stirs up strong emotions in me will be written down. I just have to pen it, otherwise I will be thinking about it all day all night. I dont know why, probably my trait.
I used to ask why reveal yourself to the whole world. Why pour hours and your deepest feelings into a weblog. It's virtual. I can neither feel it nor smell it. Those graphics are fake too. You just download them from elsewhere. What it one day the whole system crashed? Then wouldnt all your effort be washed away together with technology?
I have a paper diary. But ever since I started blogging, the diary has been sleeping in an old corner. But I realised that the language I use differ from here, and there. Shorthand is one. Few shorthand here. A preference. A habit that ensures complete English when I type out my essays. Wait.. doesn't 'typing' and 'writing' denote similar things but connote such radical views? Typing is so unfeeling. Whereas writing is a melody composed of our heart, brain and soul.
I was digressing. Earth to. 99% of the world dont know who you are. So what did it matter if your teenage agonies are spilled. But the 1% affects the 99% of you..just like the 80/20 principle. How true. Well, call me egoistic or whatever, but I love my views. (:

Thinking about a quote I saw in the Sunday Times today.
"In Israel, a population of 5 million people, 6 million entrepreneurs, 15 million opinions.
In Singapore, a population of 5 million people, 6 entrepreneurs, 1 opinion."

Just what does it mean.

Yours truly. Truly.

D-e-t-a-c-h-e-d

2005-01-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

Was reading History on Japan's invasion that led to WW2. How patriotic they were. Ready to die for the sake of winning glory for their country. Was it an obsession? "Dulce et Decorum est/ Pro patria mori." (It's a sweet and fitting thing to die for one's country.)

Why do people decide to die? What sparked it off? They were definitely not thinking logically. As for the case of the kamikaze pilots, were they indoctrinated? Or was it a rampant fever among the young and abled? This makes me think of 'The Tipping Point' a book by Malcolm Gladwell. It speaks of why some epidemics tip exponentially. The crux of the issue, like removing vandalism from trains helped to reduce killing spates. Curious how the world works, isn't it?

Feeling so sorry for the hundred thousands who died. Patriotic as they were (perhaps blindly), heroic as they were, courageous as they might be, but they all evaporated into dust. No trace except for records of history inscribed on stones. Grandparents, parents, mothers, children, babies perished into nothingness. A generation lost. there's just this big gaping gap in me.

The Atomic Bomb. 8.15am, 6 August 1945. The American pilot, Tibbets, cried when he released the bomb. Prayed.

Mummy! Mummy! Where are you? Please come back..

Sudden Shattering. Temperatures twice enough to melt iron. Long-lasting effects of radiation. Slow death.

But who to blame?

Japanese themselves? Their government? The Americans? Britain?

i t j u s t b o i l s d o w n t o h u m a n n a t u r e

greed hunger for power malice charisma blinding infatuation patriotism propaganda ulterior motives dastardly deeds ambitions loyalty love lemming instinct powerful emotions absolute anger hapless civilians indoctrination sacrifice young and old for a utopian world idealistic simplistic suspicion apprehension rising tensions weariness.

Yours truly.

fuZzymuzzyB.U.D.D.I.E.S.duddy

2005-01-25T16:49:00.000+08:00

Friends are so important. I just can't articulate how.

Small stuff. Big stuff. But knowing that you are there is all that matters. Coz I know that you will. Love surpasses all material and encompasses the truth.

Don't worry. Nothing happened. I'm just reflecting. Feel so privileged :))

I dont know what next year will bring, where we go, what we do. But I do know that this year, being the last, will be tightly treasured.

having cheese toast for recess

chunk of papaya or watermelon

egg tarts, curry puffs

rice

sitting at that table

altogether

squeezing, choking, talking, laughing, teasing, chomping, clomping

celebrating

reminiscing

serious talk.

just can't wait to say

"Good Morning!"

"The best mirror is an old friend."

The truth will be reflected. Though sometimes I might not like it, but deep down, I thank you. When you smile, I rejoice. When you are down, I feel like the day is a blur.

CoMpetiti()n .wrecked.nerves.

2005-01-21T13:24:00.000+08:00

The long-awaited timehascome. Anticipation, dread, hope -flooding emotions-

Why do I feel so unprepared? Not like i didnt know. Seriously, im excited coz i dontknow what these matches will bring. yet i feel like i dont want to know. I love playing. love the cheers. love my team. love my juniors for being with us all the way. But what if we dont make it? What if.. sigh. Doesnt do much good thinking about it.

The whole school is waiting to hear glorious results. The sea of murmurs that flooded the staffroom once a upon a time last year is alive again. The new jerseys, not yet worn. Waiting to give a spectacular show. But my muscles are not up to scratch. My brain is floatin' in the air of oblivion.

This is our chance. Last chance. Now or never.

I want to get into Zone Finals. We must. but will we?

will we? can we?

We trained so hard. Under the hot sun. Perspiration. Motivation. Determination.

Jiaolian taught us. gave us her heart. extended hours. ordered pizza. sprained ankles. messy fingers.

Will we let ourselves down?

We must dare to try. Risk it. But Do we must.

Let's walk on the line together. For that, we shall not Fall.

Go 4SE! Go pardner!!

2005-01-13T17:35:00.000+08:00

Reaching out..

Unfamiliar Faces.

Awkward Smiles.

Raised Eyebrows.

Distant Eyes.

One year passes us by...

This Time

Familiar Faces ((:

You-Light-Up-My-Life Smiles *)

Warm gestures..

Kiddy kiddying :p

The door finally opens. Let's

lead this

Year

hand.in.hand.

It's incredibly different! haha.. howdy pardner! You again.. tsktsk. haha..thanks for teaching me Thai, German, and every subject i take. real scholar lar you. Looking forward to a great year ahead :)

12th Night.

2005-01-06T23:28:00.000+08:00

Tonight's twelfth night.
The Twelfth Night after Christmas... makes me think of Shakespeare's romantic comedy "Twefth Night" aka "What You Will".

"My true love gave to me.." That's God.
But what is love anyway..

The Triangle Theory: Love is divided into three components namely Intimacy, Passion, Commitment.
I suppose it happens in all kinds of solid relationships.

There are different kinds of love too.
These are the ones I love...

Philo: Brotherly love. Love is banded together in unity and cooperation, with like interests and for mutual benefit. Love working towards a common goal.
It's kind of like the love between friends, or in teams. The closer you are, the higher sensitivity you have to your friend. How sometimes you sense something wrong, but others dont? If you can lose a friend, you never had her. Love is not easily forgotten.
Working towards a common goal.. SCGS basketballers.. this is our Year. We'll work towards the championships together. If we try our best, give it all, work as a team, we will succeed. Yesterday's match against naval base sec was the most inspiring one by far. The 'magic' worked, everything flowed into place. Those cheering smiles by everyone, jl, juniors.. everytime I think about it, a warm feeling just envelopes me.. Thank you all for supporting us. Your cheers just rocked the entire court, reverberating everywhere. This is not the end, neither is it the start. We have played together ever since sec1 and faltered along the way. This is Our Journey Together. Let's enjoy it while it lasts.

oops.. I always go out of point.. haha anyway, i'll just rush through the rest..

Pragma: Logical love."Love thatnfluenced by a system of principles, application of reason, and deductions to common experiences that describe and define relationships among propositions in terms of implications, contraditions, and contrariety. Unification through common goals and interests. Like spouses? or even business associates?

Storge: Friendship love, involving respect and concern for another person's interest. Love contains more companionship than excitement. hey.. arent some loves overlapping? If I were Antonio, then you are Bassanio. ((:

Agape: Self-sacrificing, altruistic love. Doing things willingly for no expectations of returns.
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears alll things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love 'never fails'". [1 Cor. 13:4-8]
The noblest of all. How humans erode themselves in other kinds of 'love' (ludis, eros, mania) even in light of a thing called self-awareness. They have the ability to discern the difference, yet fall into their own man-made trap.
If only all of us could remain true to our hearts.

Yours truly.

Last year at SC.

2005-01-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

How fast time passes if you look back.
I'll be sixteen come 18th September this year..

Doesn't sound much does it?

But
if you count the years,
I have already been in SCGS for 10 years! (after this year that is)
That's ONE DECADE.

What have I accomplished?

Hmm.. I came into primary one as a reserved kid, but upon making friends, I'll just want to have fun.
Actually, I was pretty clingy to my pals.. not that good, I realised. Those childish games ("you friend her I don't friend you!) will always be etched deep in some reservoir in my mind.

Confidence? Ability to trust friends? Open mind to friendship? Public speaking?
All these are somewhat accomplished. However, the acedemic side isn't. The C o n t i n u o u s motivation in me is lacking. It's a roller coaster ride. Literally. But I must set my perspectives right this year...not with the O's coming up.
Interest in my future career.. must start planning. Actually, I have several fields that I would like to study. Law, business, accounting, finance, taking stock.. yeah. Pretty broad eh? Then there's charting my financial future. Right now, I'm not earning money, so I'm dependant on my parents to give me pocket money. It's not alot. If I want to retire early and wealthy, I'll have to start real young.

Hmm..

I'll leave you with several quotes. From the people up in the corporate ladder.

"Money saved is money earned."

"Bulls make money. Bears make money. Pigs get slaughtered."

"Even after you have won the Rat Race, you are still a rat."

Yours truly.

3! 2! 1! ...2005

2005-01-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

Was at home with Dad, Mum, and Sis. haha.. we sang the kArAoK! With the lousy mike and louy singers.. Dad claims to be better. And you know what? i believe it.

Watched the heroes of the Tsunami tragedy just before the countdown. Originally wanted to go to Downtown East, but then Dad was too tired.. infected Mum.. infected Sis... left me. haha yeah, shushu came too, about half an hour before the countdown. The southeast-asian nations are all in a sombre mood in light of what happened on Boxing Day, sunday. The death toll just keeps rising. Sigh. Well, to quote:

"You can't have one half of india celebrating,

the other half dying."

So there. Not only india, but indonesia and thailand have been badly hit. Foreigners too.

Especially for affected countries, the Countdown to 2005 was of a half-sombre mood. Less publicity. No fireworks. 1 minute's silence. A mark of respect.

Hope the Tsunami will bring about a new political wave that weaves the southeast-asian nations together to a common shore.

School's in

2004-12-29T22:29:00.000+08:00

School is only 5 days away... how close it seems on this side of Christmas. It was far away then. But this is now. Time is a hard reality at times. It just comes a knockin' on your door if you lose track of it.
This is my problem.
I always lose touch with time. Time's faces tick at me everywhere, but the grim truth chooses to strike only at the last moment.

New-Year Resolution: To be Time's best friend.

Like wasting time to aimless chatter, to being bored, to spend big bucks of time on things that pay cents (it's up to the way you see it)..

It's hard. yeah. But I'm no quitter.

As the year draws to an end..

2004-12-28T11:00:00.001+08:00

Feeling that bittersweet sensation deep in my heart as I recall past events, mull over the decisions I've have made (consciously or unconsciously), the people I've met and how some will become my lifelong friends. The sentimentality in wanting to live this year forever, but yet the adrenaline rush to experience the coming year with energy and optimism. What would it bring? How will I fare in school? These never-ending questions never fail to run through my mind at bullet speed repetitively.
Time is a funny ingredient in our lives, isnt it? So many quotes.. "Time and tide waits for no man".. how true. Tide, even. Tsunamis too. How important it is to "Live Life to the Fullest." Coz we'll never what Tomorrow brings.
To enjoy every moment. It's a simple logic to understand, but to master it might take a whole lifetime. How we sweat over the little things in life and missing the big picture altogether. If we can break through the walls of our tunnel-like minds, we can gaze at the sky, smell the fresh leaves, admire the handiwork of nature, face the sun,and not to only look at the light at the end of the tunnel.
The walls are our fears, our gate-keeper, to break through, we'll have to face up to our fears, to have courage. "One's greatest enemy is oneself." But sometimes I feel as if I dont even know what my fears are. The tunnel is dark. The unconscious fears that courses our veins. I have only a solution, to use my imagination as it is boundless. The only thing in us that is not restricted, restrained, or limited. It's an inexhaustible reservoir that only the person can tap. Let your pipes flow, and if there's a leak, who cares? Don't sweat the small stuff!
Trust Yourself. Face the Sun. Enjoy whatever Life brings.
I'll end with a quote..

"If we keep our faces to the sun, we'd never have to see the shadows."

Yours truly.

Heavy. . .

2004-12-13T13:31:00.000+08:00

My head feels so heavy, I think i have not recovered fully. Pray that my immune system keeps up, amidst the flu epidemic. Sigh. Really.
Why?
Why?
Too much chocolates.. must really stop indulging. It's horrible being sick. The pool feels extra cold. The air-condition feels like winter. The wind chills my bones. My head feels heavy. My neck feels stiff. My nose is blocked. My throat feels coarse. Duh.
It really isnt worth the price.

A Long Week.

2004-12-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

Its never easy to start something new, but once you are there, you just do it with your best effort. Well, at least my goal is to have fun and learn more about IDs, to feel more comfortable around them and to yeah, bond with my group.. the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Actually, by placing yourself in a new environment, you actually get more than you expect. Other than IDs, there are social workers there (you learn quite abit about them), and The Boss. Looking at them, they dont seem very contented or feel a teeny bit of satisfaction from helping fellow humans. I mean, they take it as "Its my job.. what to do.." Sigh, you really would not want to know. I daresay if they have a better oppurtunity they would seize it in a twinkling. I think im getting pretty disillusioned.. sigh. Well, at least not everyone is that bad. Its the rare one that motivates me, and leads by example.
Hmm.. the hours are so long, so i must admit, we do just chat. Usually, we coop ourselves up in the room and do christmas stuff.. sigh, i keep asking myself to go and play with the IDs, but its very tiring. You can repeat and feel like you are talking to the wall. Their attention span is really short too.
I guess being a Volunteer means having a sack of patience, a bucket of love, a touch of care, a jug of understanding.
Pretty good practice really.

The Sun beckons

2004-12-09T21:38:00.000+08:00

To keep in perspective.
Realise.